Stress

I've come to the conclusion that I don't handle stress very well. Especially if it's stress over money. I'm in debt a total of $1,954.05 without counting the insurance on my truck and the fact that I have to register my truck by the end of the month. I know that, compared to most people, almost $2,000 in debt isn't that bad, all things considered... But for me? It's bad. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to pay it. In fact, I can't pay everything. I'm not working enough hours because I'm on light duty due to an injury to my shoulder at work. Not to mention the bullshit I'm currently going through with the specialty doctor I saw. I won't even start to get into that one. Let's just say that I feel like that doctor's office chewed me up and spit me out.

Back to the issue at hand: I don't want to go back to this God-forsaken job that I barely have. I loathe my job. I loathe it entirely with a hatred that eats at my soul. Again, that may sound melodramatic (surprise, surprise) but I'm serious. I can feel that job eating up everything in me that makes me me, and I'm all about preserving the me in me these days. Isn't that the most important thing in life? I mean, there are parts of myself and my life that I am willing to sacrifice for the greater good, but in the end don't I have to maintain the me at my core? If there's no me, then who am I? What am I?

Alas, despite my desperate need to maintain the me, I'll likely have to go back to work full time. Working my flesh to the bone, working my sanity into insanity, and working my me into a them. I'm not pleased. Just the thought of it makes me want to hop a train and go live in a forest somewhere in Maine and never speak to another human being again... But what else can I do? I have bills to pay, a girlfriend to satisfy, dogs to take care of, societal responsibility to shoulder, growing-up to do, and submission to accept.

Fuck this.
I'll find a way out one day.