Sara and I Skyped for like three hours last night. Maybe more. I missed that. When we were far away before, we used to video chat all the time. I forgot how easily it makes the miles between us melt away. At least until we both crawl into bed with our laptops instead of each other. It gets hard to be so far away then.
I miss having her in the same bed as me possibly more than anything else. I miss falling asleep cuddling her and waking up cuddling her. I miss her telling me that, even when I'm completely unconscious, if she scoots closer to me I automatically wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I miss the way she fits so well against my chest. I miss the conversations we'd have right before falling asleep. I miss reading with her. I miss the way she used to always need to be touching my skin, even if it was too hot to cuddle.
I don't only remember the good parts, of course. I still remember the way she'd make me feel like she didn't care about my emotions. I remember the way she'd belittle me and how she had no idea how to deal with it when I was emotional. I remember how pissed she'd get when I couldn't find the words to tell her why I was so upset. I remember her telling me to do better even when it meant sacrificing my morals and ideals.
I remember all of that, but I don't hold it against her. I still love her for every single part of her. I know I'm sure as hell not perfect. Who am I to say that she has to be?
We're not perfect for each other. We're not "soul mates" brought together by some cosmic fate. We're not the only two people that could ever be in love with each other. Love doesn't work like that. We're two people who share a connection - a deep, real connection. That will always keep us friends, but whether it keeps us from going any further than that or if it brings us back to being lovers remains to be seen. I'm hoping for the latter.
I miss having her in the same bed as me possibly more than anything else. I miss falling asleep cuddling her and waking up cuddling her. I miss her telling me that, even when I'm completely unconscious, if she scoots closer to me I automatically wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I miss the way she fits so well against my chest. I miss the conversations we'd have right before falling asleep. I miss reading with her. I miss the way she used to always need to be touching my skin, even if it was too hot to cuddle.
I don't only remember the good parts, of course. I still remember the way she'd make me feel like she didn't care about my emotions. I remember the way she'd belittle me and how she had no idea how to deal with it when I was emotional. I remember how pissed she'd get when I couldn't find the words to tell her why I was so upset. I remember her telling me to do better even when it meant sacrificing my morals and ideals.
I remember all of that, but I don't hold it against her. I still love her for every single part of her. I know I'm sure as hell not perfect. Who am I to say that she has to be?
We're not perfect for each other. We're not "soul mates" brought together by some cosmic fate. We're not the only two people that could ever be in love with each other. Love doesn't work like that. We're two people who share a connection - a deep, real connection. That will always keep us friends, but whether it keeps us from going any further than that or if it brings us back to being lovers remains to be seen. I'm hoping for the latter.
18 more days before we Sara finds out if Baby is a boy or a girl, provided Baby cooperates. I can't fucking wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment